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Wish you vijaya Dashami & Dipawali

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भुत वर्तमान् र भवीष्य प्रतीको सोच

What is Love?

I am sure you have asked yourself that question before, whether you were in the throes of a romantic relationship, when the endorphins are running high, whether you were heartbroken after a break up or when you were alone and wishing you had someone in your life.

It is easier to define love in terms of our children and parents. We love them because they are family, because they share genes with us, because they raised us or we raised them.

But romantic love is hard to define. Ask around, and people will say: “It’s when you miss the person you are dating/married to”, “It’s when you think and care about them”, “It’s when you care for their well being”, “It’s when you feel physical desire for them”, “It’s when no one else in the world attracts you”, “It’s a shared past, goals and common interests”, etc. It can also be all these things together.

It seems to me though that the media, through romantic movies such as “The Notebook” and “New Moon” have advertised a feeling that is really fleeting, and that sometimes makes young people make some very bad decisions. If you believe that love conquers all (it doesn’t), and that there is only one person in the world for you, you are more vulnerable to obsessive and self destructive behaviors.

The “Twilight” series teaches us that for true love you might even accept becoming a vampire. The Romeo and Juliet saga teaches us that to defend your love, you may even consider killing yourself. Some suicide stories we see are from young men or women who just couldn’t cope with a breakup. They idealize their mate, and are sold out in the concept that they will never love anyone else in life that much.

As we get older, we know that is not true. The immense love you felt for that boy in High School didn’t last long. You have fallen in love several times after that, and after some disappointments, you can even become cynical about it.

Even more prone to the idea that love is the most powerful thing in the world are young women. My generation specially grew up reading romance novels. Even at the age of 12 I used to devour book after book with torrid love stories. They were impossible, they were complicated, but at the end, love would conquer all. It is easy to see how many teenage girls can buy into this belief that the more difficult the love affair is, the more intense and real that love is. Therefore they lust over the bad boys, the guys that treat them with indifference, men who are not availbable or married to someone else, men who have nothing in common with them.

Just like a young man who watches too much porn and starts objectifying women (and thinking that all women like the moves he sees in those “movies”), a young girl who watches or reads too many sugary love stories might think that love means sacrifice and suffering, when in reality love should be simple, uncomplicated and feel good.

So what is romantic love? Neuroscience shows that it is more of a chemical reaction in our brains that anything. They say it lasts about 2 years and is closely intertwined with lust, that is, with sexual attraction for another human being. After that period, you need to have other elements to hold you together. That is when shared interests, common goals, similar worldview and a real friendship kick in. And that is why so many relationships and marriages unravel after the initial lust wanes.

What does that teach us about romantic love? That we need to be friends first with our partners. That we need to know them well before making major commitments and that we need to understand what works for us in a relationship. Those red flags that bother you now will not disappear and will become giant pink elephants in the room. If more people made decisions about love based on that, we would probably see a lot less divorce, international parental child abduction and the general cynicism about marriage we see in the most recent generations.

Sunrise Graphic Design & Digital Print Solution (2067)

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Yatra Jiwanko

Happy Dipawali 2068

पीडा नै अनुभव बटुल्ने आधार हो ।

         जिन्दगीका हरेक मोडहरुमा मानिसले धेरै दुःख र पिडाहरु भोग्नु पर्ने हुन्छ । मानिसले केहिकुराहरु प्राप्ती गर्दा गदै पनि केहि गुमाउन पर्ने हुन्छ र ति गुमाएका कुराहरुबाट मानिस धेरै दुःखित बन्न पुग्दछ । जब मानिसमा पिडा हुन्छ नि तब मानिस रुन कराउन थाल्दछ । भन्छन रुवाइले मानिसको पिडालाई अलिकति भए पनि कम गरिदिन्छ रे । बास्तवमा यो सोच्नु सरासर झुट हो । जुन मानिस आफ्नो असफलतामा रुन्छ कराउछ त्यो मानिस साच्चि नै उल्लु हो । मानिसमा जब दुःख र पिडा हुन्छ नि तव त्यो दुःख र पिडालाई सहजै ठान्दै त्यो दुःख र पिडासग जुध्न सकेमा मात्र त्यो मानिस महान बन्न पुग्दछ ।

त्यसकारण हामिहरु मनिस हौ । अर्थात् भगवान् का सृष्टि भगवान राम जस्तालाई त दैव लागेर बाह्र बर्षको बनिबासको पिडा खेप्नु परेको थियो र भगवान् शिवलाई त समुन्द्र मनथनबाट निश्किएको कालकुठ विष लाई निल कन्ठमा राखेर सामाना गर्नु परेको थियो भने त हामि त त्यहि निष्ठुरी भगवान का सृष्टि हौ ।

हामिलाई पनि समयले धेरै दुःख अनि पिडा दिन्छ । त्यस्ता दुःख र पिडालाई सामाना गर्दै आफ्नो लक्ष्य र गन्तब्यमा पुग्ने प्रयत्न गर्नु पर्दछ ।

त्यसकारण दुःख र पिडामा मानिसहरु कदापि रुनु र कराउनु हुदैन दुःख र पिडा पर्दा मात्र मानिसले धेरै कुराहरुलाई ब्यवहार, लेख, रचनामा परिणत गर्न सकेमात्र त्यो मानिस सबै भन्दा महान बन्न पुग्दछ । त्यसकारण हामिहरुले के बुझ्नु पर्दछ भने असफलता नै सफलता कि जननी हुन ।